casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
