You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
