My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
