I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
