When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
