I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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