worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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