you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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