He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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