I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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