thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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