i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
