omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
