My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
