I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
