when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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