She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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