Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
