Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
