i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
