my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I deserve this hangover.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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