i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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