I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
