i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
