i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
