After last night, I could never be a politician.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
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