I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
