like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize