My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
