Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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