Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
