My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The struggles of a small town man whore
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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