i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I wish you could order shots online.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
