The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
