Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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