We won't sleep together?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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