If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
