Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Found the puke drawer
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
