I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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