He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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