he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
