Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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