im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
ttyl tear gas
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize