then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize