hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
