Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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