But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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