cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
