my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
