I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
