i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
