quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
