I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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