my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
a search helicopter?!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
