I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't deserve a penis
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
