He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
