so explain again why im purple
no
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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