you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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