Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
