It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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