I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
