trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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