I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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