some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
There are leaves in my underwear?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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