I think I won the penis lottery.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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