Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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