Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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