he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
