Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Randomize
