Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
