Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
